Dear Mr. Solicitor,

I know you are just trying to make a living selling door to door. You’re busy walking up and down my street selling things like steaks, windows, solar panels, and insect extermination services. I know you’re just trying to make a buck.

But, I hate you.

You ring my doorbell just when I got my kids to chill out on the couch and watch a movie so I can do things that I really need to get done. They hear the doorbell and run to the door, thinking it’s some awesome Amazon Prime box. But it’s not. It’s you. With your slimy finger on my doorbell.

Here’s a tip. Skip my house. I put the sign on the door, “DO NOT KNOCK. DO NOT RING DOORBELL”.

Sometimes, you ring it anyway. And when I tell you right off the bat, “I’m not interested”. You seem concerned. Like, I’m wrong. I’m wrongly stating that I’m not interested.

So here’s a few more tips. I’ll be clear in what I’m not interested in ahead of time, so you don’t have to knock, ring my doorbell, make my kids, pets and my own self totally nuts.

I don’t want your stuff.

I don’t want to sign your petition.

I don’t want your meat.

I don’t want your candy.

I don’t want your Anderson windows.

I don’t want your solar panels.

I don’t want your solar panels, again.

I don’t want your insect killing services.

I don’t want your security system.

I don’t know Anthony down the block (who is using your services).

I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.

Want any of it.

Stop knocking.

Stop ringing.

I’m NOT interested.

Here’s the times that I’m REALLY, REALLY not interested:

Lunch time.

Nap time.

Dinner time.

Really, there’s no time I’ll be interested.

And no, the weekends are a horrible time.

Signed,

-A SAHM of 2 small children

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