Top 5 Things I’d prefer to do in lieu of dealing with Common Core

5: Make out with a dog

Dog saliva has healing properties so heck, why not?

4: Go to second base with a dog for 5 seconds

I might do this anyway.

3: Get a transvaginal mesh implant

I don’t even know what the fuck a transvaginal mesh implant is, but I think I prefer it.

2: Expose my nipple to a priest

I haven’t done this in a while, so probably should get it out of the way.

1: Eat a breastmilk popsicle

Did this just make you gag? Me too.

Which one of these would you prefer?