Top 5 Worst Kid’s Birthday Party Themes (Or Best, based on your location and whether or not you have shit for brains):

5: Rabid Dog Party – 

I hope you wore your party hat. And got your rabies shot. Because we’re heading down to the animal shelter to celebrate with all the infected dogs and cats.

4: Taxidermy/Hillbilly Party – 

Can your kid gut and stuff a deer? Well, he’ll learn pretty damn quick at the Taxidermy Hillbilly Party. And for an extra $25, Honey Boo Boo and Mama Joan will make an appearance and sit on you. I know, pricey, but totally worth it.

3: Ebola Party – 

Chicken Pox parties are so 1987. Get with it, and have an Ebola party. Transmission of the disease is not guaranteed, but if you got it, you’ll know within 2-21 days.

 2: ISIS Party –

Nothing screams Happy Birthday (and I do mean screams), like 5 armed terrorists. Happy. Birthday.

1: Clown/Pissing Party –

Clowns are amazing party phenomena. They also make you piss your pants with fear.  Bring a change of clothes for your toddler, and parents may wear a Depends diaper in case you have not outgrown your own childhood clown fears.